With heavy restrictions, Queens Blvd. club Royal Palace gets its permit

Mass thumbage almost compensates for the less-than-catchy headline


Taking a stand has paid off

Can the gentleman on the right not spare two seconds to pose for a photo, without having to garble into his walkie talkie?


Potholes a pain for learner drivers

Local journalism at it's very best, here.


Police used us as bait

I'll let the picture do the talking on this one


Lovelorn teen nicks street sign

Be honest, girls. Nothing says "I love you" quite like a road sign, does it?


Parking warden laughed as he gave me ticket outside my own home

No-one is laughing now, though, are they?


Bingo! It’s war

Weren't 50% of these people in Two Fat Ladies?

Don't know about you, but I certainly wouldn't mess with either of them.


Newcastle Falcons raise wheelchair user passes

"Wheelchair concessions were removed so that all disabled people could be treated the same. We don’t want to be treated differently"


New plans for biomass site

The catchy tag-line here, in case you can't read it, is "No To Traffic Jams"

That's one in the eye for all you traffic-jam-lovers out there.


Bin collection chaos upsets autistic son

Callum there, taking his role extra seriously

And whilst the bin may well stink, young man, it didn't smell bad enough to stop your family dragging it in to prime position, did it?


Bike users frustrated

Figure hugging lycra and a middle-aged paunch do not make happy bedfellows.

Extra grumpy points for the use of the universal sign of unhappiness.


Rat run sign plea

Or else what, exactly? Don't?

Pretty sure this is illegal actually, and Mr Howard could be facing a stint in the slammer. Then he would an excuse to be grumpy.


Tenants' anger over black mould

Am I the only one thinking "just clean your house, love"?


Blankets stolen off Skegby horses' backs

Never let it be said that Mansfield is not at the epicentre of international events

She appears to have Weetabix* for feet.

*other wheat biscuit cereals are available.


Outrage Lake Apex Island decision

What a beautiful poster. Heart-wrenching.

Just a shame we can't really see it.


Dog fight imminent

Never work with children or animals they say.

Clearly no-one could communicate the gravity of the situation to this rather cheery looking hound. But props to Ms Forrest for being grumpy enough for two.


Knocked up by the disgruntled

There are lots of things to be angry about in this world. War, famine, pestilence, inequality, greed, fanaticism, oppression and the inexplicable rise of Piers Morgan as a TV personality being just eight of the things we should have our ire raised by.

Having the same name as the eponymous character in the film 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall' however isn't one of the many other 'things'.


I mean, if you want to let civilisation know that Mr Apatow sucks at least have the good sense to base it on something the majority of the populous will agree with you about, such as the lack of comedy in his comedy films 'Knocked Up' and 'Funny Games'. Or the fact his pictures always seem to be 30 minutes longer than they need to be. To base it on a forgettable film he only produced seems like a bit of a waste.

This is a true story. I actually saw 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall' for the first (and possibly only) time the night before I found this article.

I said it was a true story - I didn't say it was an interesting.


Salters Hill junction victory

He looks like he's won a years worth of dog turd

A website devoted to "crazy parking stories" Who could envisage such a thing?


Car 'mistakingly' towed from owner's house

This man looks disproportionately tall.

If his car drops from the sky, he's screwed.


Poo, what a smelly horse

Fiji isn't as idyllic as you think.


Club 18 - 30

Was it really worth the effort it took to set this up?


They were upset in July. God only knows their mental state now

 For those reading this blog in the future, the title of this post is hilarious right now. Believe me.

 ‘People in Waterford are upset with the Irish Government and the European Union’


Every single teacher cliche represented here.

So there's a Geography teacher with padded elbows, a PE teacher with possiby suspect interest in his pupils, open-toed Jesus sandals on the RE bloke, the Head, desperate to appear cool by going without his jacket, the arts teacher with a roll-neck jumper, and the history teacher who no-one remembers.

Some frustrated teaachers. Frustrated by the progress of fashion, one suspects


Be honest, love, you bought those shoes just for this shot, didn't you?

Me, I'd have spent the money on a hair cut.

By the way, this post marks the debut of the Daily Mail. Believe you me, this will not be the last time this paper is mentioned on these pages.


The inequality of bin politics

My solution? Eat less, chunky.


Brothel creepers

Nothing says fury like crossing your arms so that's what Ron Viney has done to show his disgust at people thinking his house is a bordello. 'This is not a brothel!' exclaims the headline. No...

Brothel fury ... Ron Viney

...but it's a flipping terrible shirt! Seriously man, you could have at least got dressed up a bit for your photograph.


A break from "tradition"

A fledgling blog, and already the rules are being broken. Such is life. But such is my admiration for the, ahem, work, of Mylene Klass, I couldn't pass up this opportunity.

And I don't even care that it is a fake


Fuming they are. FUMING! Just look at their fuming little faces.

Reading from left to right: bored, desperate, plain, Sasquatch, frumpy, four outfits in one

Fuming residents


Celebrity Special!!!

Two days in, and we're already involved in a humiliating scrap for readers. And so we grasp for that lowest of low hanging fruit, the C-list celebrity.

Stuart Hall in funeral ticket fury
All I can think is that the title of "Mr Manchester" isn't too hotly contested.


A petition of 30?? The authorities must be shitting themsleves

Lynne Campbell and Brian Wolff, both of Sawyers Bay, consider a petition of 30 signatures asking the Otago Regional Council to keep the 5.15pm bus service from the city to Port Chalmers, after it was changed to 5.30pm with little apparent consultation, they say. 
To paraphrase the great thinker Naomi Campbell, I wouldn't get out of bed for thirty signatures.


The whitest legs in Australia

You just know the photographer was made up with this creativity


Cremation? Fumes? Could have done better with that.

I've been to Darwin. I didn't meet Ariel while I was there, thankfully.


When imagination goes A.W.O.L.


Imagine if you're a photographer on a provincial newspaper; your fantasies of being the next David Bailey or Annie Leibovitz have been crushed by years of taking pictures of oversized cheques being presented to local charities and vandalised hanging baskets.

The next task you're assigned with is to illustrate a story of someone who has been banned from Aqua-fit sessions at his local swimming baths for being a man. Naturally you must have a photo of the said gentleman looking angry but you're faced with the tricky problem of introducing a swimming element to the image to capture the attention of the reader flicking through the paper.

In times gone by when your ambition was strong and you took pride in your work you might have done a low angled shot of the annoyed chap looking suitably exasperated outside the recreational premises. Those days are long gone though so with a pressing need to get to your next job (taking snaps of a cake competition at a nearby church) you just chuck a towel over the shoulder of the man while he stares moodily down the lens.

But even in your state of crushed dreams and long disappeared hopes, not even you can answer why the chuff you made him lean on a lamp post.


And keeping with the Australian theme

It does seem that our Antipodean cousins have mastered the art, certainly with these formative posts. But I have confident the rest of the world can match up.


Opening gambit

So here's the thing. Through the course of watching Liverpool be a bit rubbish last night, I found myself chatting on Twitter about local newspaper photos, and the art, for it is such a thing, of making local nobodies play up to the camera. I forget why, but from such small acorns are potentially great oak tress born. So too are pathetic saplings which get trodden on as soon as they emerge from the soil.

So what better way of launching this blog than with the shot that started it all off:


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